bugs just die and i

     she would not give me 

one

         of my own

but then handed me a stack to hold. 

a stack to hold- it wasn't actually her that gave

me the book

i'm just sad i think but i don't say much.

when i don't say much they always think something is wrong

but i'm just reminding myself to remind myself to slow down- i 

am ahead of you, so far, so      so far that i only 

am barely now behind myself

i think beyond seascapes and chocolate. 

i let bugs crawl on me because i will outlive them, 

i just want you to kiss me, where i kiss you

i want you to pet my fur of your fur that i pet

i want to look good desired

bare to the assbones naked odious blue ink

pressing these veins, 

these veins: these veins flexed as i push tension 

up up up up p yr spine

yr shoulders open 

fingers free you breathe.